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Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Column: Meghan Markle knew exactly what she signed up for - Page Six

With British blats leaking all over America’s happenings, only fair for me to expel bodily fluid on theirs.

Selfish Meghan knew precisely exactly — bet your assets on it — what she was doing. For openers, why’d she want that twit Harry? Why?? Because playing house — or castle — with him was a better role than anything on TV.

An actress, she loves the spotlight. Attention. Importance. She knew a good script when she smelled it. And she knew what parts she needed to flex to get it.

How dare this nothing nobody do that to the queen, who’s 93. Forget even that HM Elizabeth’s a symbol. A monarch. A sovereign. Queen of the realm. She’s first of all a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother, a Majesty. This is how you treat a mother? The greatest most precious human being ever in my life was my mother. This is how you treat a mother?

And the way to treat that alleged nitwit husband’s brother? Father? Whole family?

This is how you’re going to teach your baby respect for a parent? How to respect family? Just like how selfish-you respected your own father and stepsister?

And that royal stupidness grandson Harry not revering his grandma? Conspiring to diss her? What’ll he do Mother’s Day? Send Her Majesty that Nazi swastika shirt he once pranced in?

Formerly married, divorced, showbiz, biracial, foreign, American, been around, strong-minded, tough, smart, allegedly maybe could be possibly selfish and headstrong Markle never thought playing the palace would be different?

This is only hearsay, but in London a Brit socialite who knew her way around money, Europe, royalty told me — and my companion, so I wasn’t alone hearing this — that Meghan was known in the old days. “She was around the famous playgrounds Europeans visit . . . and known to be shopping for a rich husband.”

How about Fergie, that other temp duchess who divorced Prince handy dandy randy Andy? She took a handout from Jeffrey Epstein, she made a few quid hyping Weight Watchers, she got photographed sucking a guy’s toes. And when this newest duchesslite no longer needs hairy Harry??? The crapshoot is how long she stays.

She’s already interviewed p.r. folk in the states. Tired of kissing babies, visiting hospitals, laying wreaths and being stymied, she’s already tapped showbiz possibilities in the Colonies. She’ll be back in the business big-time while her husband, who’s never earned a farthing, diapers the kid.

Remember a predecessor of generations gone by? Duchess of Windsor? Who married the almost king? Also had been married and divorced. Also foreign.

Also American. She was not happy afterward. She was tough. I met her. I interviewed her. She was constantly looking to negotiate some sort of financial betterment.

Hey, sic transit, Meghan.

Who’s grown up?

Another award thing you maybe never heard of. AARP’s Movies for Grownups. Career achievement went to Annette Bening, of whom you’ve heard, and she sat with her husband, Warren Beatty, of whom you’ve also heard. Also there Noah Baumbach, who’s 50, Diane Ladd and daughter Laura Dern, who’s just a smidge over 50, Conan O’Brien, Adam Sandler, Don Johnson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Renée Zellweger, Greta Gerwig, Billy Crudup, Alan Alda, who — forget 50 — his marriage is more than 60 years old. And best documentary went to Linda Ronstadt, who, despite Parkinson’s, won for “The Sound of My Voice.”


I was sent this joke: “Archaeologists found a skull of a woman 20 thousand years old. They knew it was a woman because her jaws were still moving — and kept insisting she was only 18 thousand years old.”

Oy, please, only in New York, kids, only in New York.

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Column: Meghan Markle knew exactly what she signed up for - Page Six
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